Wednesday 30 May 2007

The three definitive signs that you are "old"

I've been having quite a few epiphanies recently, not all of them "aha!" moments and the above was definitely more of a "aaaagh" moment.

Nothing to do with getting vast amounts of grey hair, no connection to realising that you fall into the category of "if you've worn it the first time around, you are too old for it second time around" (being as someone who has worn leggings three times around!) Not related to hang overs that last all day and induce tears and five weeks of alcohol abstination (cough cough). Rule out: yawning at10:30pm; inability to function on less than seven hours of sleep; lack of excitement over 10 hour bus journies (what, only me?) Having students who were not even born when I graduated from University; only one year until I tick the "35-50" box; realising that my mother was right; lack of inclination to have sex and not being able to contemplate a one night stand when I used to be a slag.......(ok time to stop with that list, it's abnormalities in the production of luteinising hormone or latent lesbianism I tell ya!)

They are:

1) Listening to Radio 4

Ah the joys of Received Pronunciation! The back-log of "Listen Again" I am currently ravishing on an almost daily basis; the familiarity of "that" tune from "that" cheesy drama that my mum used to listen to; the fact that I eagerly click on "Woman's Hour" without a second thought to the embarrassment factor ("What embarrassment factor? It's not about knitting patterns and menstruation you know! Men even listen to it. They sometimes discuss men's issues. Well, OK, that bit's a bit crap...")

2) Actually really believing that "your" music was better

Well, I guess knowing, rather than believing. Checking old old videos on You Tube (gawd bless it!) Searching for info on old bands who once had a top 75 hit and then promptly disappeared (well, at least they didn't sell out!) Getting all misty eyed about festivals in the early 90's and scoffing at the current array, multiplying like Legionnaires' in a shower, headlined by the likes of Lilly Allen and the Williams. Being somewhat miffed to discover that Dickon from the Tindersticks now looks like a Hovis loaf whereas Katy Jane Garside now looks normal and is almost 40! Coming across bands that you used to love and can't believe you had forgotten about (well, there was that period in the late 90's where Dance seemed to be the way to go, Indie was a bit sad, that and the fact that your records are 5814.60 miles across the ocean!)


3) Myspace, Bebo, Facebook etc

This is the ulimate: why would anyone want to? I mean, why establish "networks" with random strangers just because you both love the work of an unknown Mongolian toilet brush sculptor? Why post a message to your friends when you could pick up the 'phone or send a normal email or text? Why allow random weirdos and stalkers to be able to find out about your life, loves and friends? Why feel the need to advertise your likes/dislikes and favourites to the world? Especially if you are over 15!

Imagine my despair to find today that a forum I sometimes read and occasionally post on announcing their revamp "It looks a lot like profiles you would get on social networking sites....we are moving towards a more interactive experience soon." No! Leave me alone! I don't want to social network. I don't want cyber friends. Why are they doing this?

I have no idea why.

I guess I'm just too old to understand or to care to understand.

1 comment:

Disneyrollergirl.net said...

Ha ha, good post...glad it's not just me!